the alchemy of attraction

"Love doesn't just sit there like a stone;
it has to be made, like bread, remade all the time, made new."
~ Ursula K. LeGuin

What is attraction?

When you boil it down, attraction is like what exists between magnets, between polar opposites. It is the charged space between two opposing poles, longing to be brought together.

The thing is, though, if opposing magnets spend too much time with each other, they become de-polarized, they lose the charge and tug of attraction.

Maintaining attraction is keeping the magnetic pull strong, which is not an easy thing. What naturally happens is the entropy of de-polarization between you and your partner.

It takes consistent time, effort and creativity to maintain attraction, both in the time your spend consciously apart as well as in the time you spend consciously together.

Maintaining attraction is an active, constant process. Attraction, like any living, breathing thing, needs feeding, watering, it needs care and attention.

 

Here are some things you can do:

• Research Her. She is unique, she is changing all the time. What worked for the last women you were with might not for this one. Take on the consistent research project of this distinct woman - what makes her tick, what turns her on, what does she not like, what makes her happy?

• Shared Projects. Do fantastic things together, like projects, hobbies, professional work, etc so that you can bond around something you both love, work on and are involved in. It can be small or large - it might even be simply the time you spend together.

• Separate Space. Have enough separation between the two magnets - you and your partner - so the coming together is rich and sweet. Said differently, spend enough time apart so that you miss each other and long to come together.
  
  This includes friends, interests, even sleeping in separate beds sometimes, to maintain separate, distinct identities and energies.

• Do Your Thing. When you are on your purpose or passion, up to what you are up to, being your own magnificent self, you are naturally magnetic.
  
  This goes for her as well, of course. The trick is also to have both of you be full and powerful in and of yourselves, so that the drawing together is all the more incendiary.

• Open Up. Here's something interesting. Mostly, women need to be emotionally available before being open to being sexual. But men need to be sexual before being able to be emotionally available. If you want to have her be open to you sensually or sexually, consider opening up emotionally.

• Put Creativity And Energy Into Your Coming Together. Your shared time and space needs to be full and consciously created, rather than the dull, ordinariness of the same-old at the end of a long day apart. Your energy and creativity is the antidote to entropy and boredom. Continue to court her, surprise her, create special occasions, create rituals, learn about her, teach her about you.

The alchemy of attraction needs a consistent input of energy and creativity. I know this kind of sucks to hear. But it also sucks to feel attraction that was once so delicious and hot and heavy, ebb away.

It would be nice if attraction just stuck around and was naturally constant and growing. But sensual, sexual, emotional, and intellectual attraction is made and remade by your effort, creativity and attention on it.

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