FIVE SECRET TOOLS

These are tools you can whip out and use when things are off, in the middle of a fight, or any old time to simply maintain your relationship.

Many will be effective with people in general, but these are particularly affective with us women.

These tools will help diffuse an upset. They will help restore rationality and create space for real communication. They will have her feel that you still have her back.

These tools will put you both on the same team, will open her up to hear you and move forward with you. But they only work when they are 100% genuine and from your heart.

Want'em? I thought you might.

 

1. Put your attention on her:

Your attention on a woman is like water to a plant. Women are change and flux - it is what you love and what you hate about women. You have the power to bring out in your woman all that you love. You bring it out with your attention.

This can be as simple as just listening to her, or it could be a comment, a question, or a date you plan or gift you give. She can and will get "water" from other areas of her life, but in an extraordinary relationship, don't under-rate this tool.

 

2. Check in:

Something I love about guys: generally, what you say sticks, until you say something different.

Not so much for women. When something feels different to us, or it just gets quiet, we wonder if things have gone wrong, you are upset, not into us, ready to jam. We start to wonder what we did, or didn't do, that is causing the problem.

Just said, "you look gorgeous" yesterday? Yes, you still have to say it again today. Women change all the time, and we flourish with consistent checking in.

Checking in consistently probably won't naturally occur to you, but you can practice and build the muscle: "Anything going on with you? Is there something you want to tell me?" 

 

3. Tell her that you love her:

Especially in an upset, a woman will feel that you no longer love her, or that because you are angry, she is losing your love. Being reminded that you love her will still her, and open her to you.

 

4. Tell her that you are not leaving her:

If you are trying to get something off your chest, or in a highly emotional and heated situation, especially if you need some space and walk away or become emotionally distant, women can become triggered and feel like you are leaving for good.

Rational or not, she is only confronted by your anger or distance because she thinks you are really leaving. Tell her you are not leaving, you are just angry and want to tell her why. Tell her you are not leaving, you just need to be by yourself for a while. You can do what you need to do, but try telling her first that you are not leaving.

 

5. Make physical contact with her: 

This is a huge. Physical contact, like a touch or a hug, is grounding and calming like nothing else, and reminds her of your presence. She will stop worrying that you are outta there, and will then be open to hear what you have to say. 

Secret tools from the mouths of us babes. Try it out, guys.

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